ANNA'S STORY (Warsaw, Poland, early ‘90s)

I stood there staring at him as if I had seen a ghost. All the emotions and events from years ago came crashing back as if they were yesterday. I couldn’t believe it was him. He looked different, but there was no doubt it was still the same cool cat.

Fat Cat was on the stage holding a shiny red guitar in a random blues bar in Warsaw, waiting for his band to start the song. None of our friends had seen or heard from him for years. There was a rumor that he played music all over Europe but he had never come home again – that is for sure.

My mind wandered, memories overwhelming me. It all started at school… Sofia was my best friend. We were inseparable, unbreakable, typical girls. We always walked to school together, sat at the same table, and had our best-friend secrets. We loved the same things, took the same classes, and listened to the same music - we shared everything. Then, one day, as is common in these stories, she started to hang out with the coolest cat in class. Like most of the girls, I liked him too. He was very good-looking, kind, and sensitive. One of those cats you just want to stroke all day. Of course, he was a musician. The best one in town in fact. He started to play at forest parties and bars when he was 16 years old. He always had gigs and money and used to buy us all drinks. He never expected anything in return. I think, back then, all he needed was music and my best friend. But then it happened, just after we graduated from school. We were all still friends but something had changed, as if we could see beyond school now, into the future of our lives.

There was this party. A pretty big party in the house of one of our former classmates. His parents were rich and they had left for vacation so the house was all ours. I can’t lie. I liked Fat Cat… I liked him a lot! Even knowing that he was the cat friend of my best friend. I used to talk to him every day because we all hung out together. Sofia never got suspicious, even when we talked all night. But that evening, at the party, I drank way too much - everyone did. I thought he might want me to make a move. Something inside me thought he wanted something more than just talk. I wanted to stroke him. And that is when I broke it all. I sacrificed my closest friendship for the possibility of one night tickling his ears. Unfortunately, (or perhaps fortunately) it turned out different than I had imagined. He was faithful to her and didn’t react to my tickles. As always, he was very polite and friendly, full of honor but still untouchable.

Without thinking, I lied to him. In my drunk and sad state, I lied, believing that if he left her, he would be interested in me. I lied with the purpose of breaking up the relationship with my best friend. I told him I had a secret. I said he can’t tell her who told him. I said that Sofia was unfaithful and was having cuddles with other cats while he was blind and too trusting. I said that he cared more about music than what was happening right under his whiskers. He didn’t say a lot. Just asked some questions to figure out the details – to get things straight in his head. I just kept on talking, creating more stories. Eventually, he excused himself. He said he had too much to drink and wanted to go home and curl up. He said goodbye to everyone and gave her a kiss on the nose before he left. Then he was gone. The next morning Sofia called me, sobbing, asking if I knew anything about what had happened. She said when she got home, he wasn’t there.

All his music stuff had disappeared, his phone was off and no one knew where he was. A week later his parents spoke to her and said that they met him the following day. He asked them not to tell anyone where he was going. He just packed his gear, got on the train, and left the country. I know it was all my fault. Meeting Sofia every day, seeing her cry, not understanding why he left, thinking it was her fault - it made me die inside. I knew that he left because of my lies. I was selfish and wanted him for myself. There was no excuse. I felt terrible. I probably felt as bad as they both did but I also knew it was all because of me. I had to come clean. I had to tell her. I don’t want to explain Sofia’s reaction, but needless to say, I got what I deserved. It is no surprise that we have never talked to each other again. I don’t blame her. I was young and stupid. I was drunk, needy, and misguided. All I can say is that everyone makes mistakes. I wish I had never made this one though.

Suddenly I was back in the present, my husband standing next to me. Did Robert remember Fat Cat from school? They were always at the same parties. Looking at him on stage, I know I have to be honest one more time. I have to tell Fat Cat the truth. I don’t know if he will recognize me, let alone listen. I don’t even know if Sofia is still on her own or has another cat. Would the truth make him drop everything and go home? And what should I say to my husband? I feel like a teenager again – my eyes full of tears.